After a discussion with my mom about what to do on the rare occasion that our son has a meltdown when he’s with her, I wanted to share some stuff I’ve learned over the years and now reinforced in my schooling.
A challenging behavior–a behavior that detracts from a student’s ability to access the natural environment; could be tantrums, aggression, calling out, picking at skin… anything
Most important rule–Find out the FUNCTION of the behavior and address that and NOT the topography (what the behavior looks like). In other words, why is the child exhibiting the behavior? Escape from a task? Seeking attention? Avoiding a person? Hungry? If you figure out and address the function of the behavior, giving the child an appropriate and more efficient way to get that need fulfilled, the behavior will go away.
If you simply address the topography of the behavior and not the function, you may get rid of that behavior, but another behavior, possibly MORE annoying, will show up in its place because the function is still in need.
Way to do this?
My way is simple. Figure out why the child is doing the behavior. Give the child a better way to achieve the same purpose. When the behavior does occur, give the child a choice–appropriate behavior gets more than inappropriate behavior.
Some examples: Child doesn’t want to clean up (escape), throws tantrum. Time-out would be silly option because that would mean getting to leave the situation and that is what he wants! Teach child to calmly express desire not to clean up (more efficient and appropriate). At first, the child gets rewarded for using words by not having to clean up. Gradually, you increase the amount expected of child before escape. Maybe it’s “OK, first put away these two things, and then you can be done.” Then it’s “OK, but you need to put all the puzzles away first.” And so forth until you stamp out the tantrums and have a communicating, cooperating child left.
Child seeks another child’s attention by bopping them on the head (attention). Getting mad at the child would then give the child the attention he’s seeking. Teach the child how to use words for attention. That might mean following the child around at first and when you see the hand come up, stop it, and give the words for the child to say. Then, the request must be honored. If the other child isn’t willing, then you must lavish the child with attention. If you miss a chance and hitting does occur, the consequence should be just the opposite of what he was seeking. Time-out might be good in this case! Complete removal from attention. no talking. No eye contact. Complete silence during time-out time. Then, bring the child back to the situation and have him do it again appropriately so he can see how it gets him what he wants.
I could go on forever, but you get the idea. Figure out why the behavior is occuring and teach the child how to get the same thing more appropriately. If the behavior occurs, I have the philosophy that that will get the child the exact opposite of what he was after. If he wanted attention, he gets none. If he wanted to escape, I can wait him out until he does.
For my son, he usually just needs a choice. He may not want to do something and engages in arguing and backtalk. His choice? He can speak calmly and have less to do, or he can engage in that behavior and still have to do it all and lose his video game time. For him, that’s what works.
Here is a 6-step problem-solving process for challenging behavior (Janny, Black, Ferio, 1989).
1. Define the problem. If there are several problems, decide which one you want to address first and stick to that.
2. Gather information. Consider who is there when it happens, what is going on at the time, when does it happen, where does it happen.
3. Develop a theory. Make your best guess as to why the child is doing it.
4. Make a plan. Prevent, teach, react. Change some of the who, what, when, where that triggers the behavior. Teach the child a new way to achieve the same function. React when it does happen in a more helpful way.
5. Use the plan. Stick with it!
6. Reconsider the plan. Is it working? Change it as needed, but give it a week or two before you decide it’s not working.
Sounds good. What about when the behavior that’s driving you nuts is driving you nuts because it’s something you yourself do? I bet that sentence was a joy to read.
Comment by Susan M — December 1, 2005 @ 4:17 pm
This is good. He has only had one meltdown that I can recall, and that was when I stayed with the kids in Sultan. He has had near-meltdowns. These are good suggestions, as I often wonder what I would do if he came unglued. He’s had small issues, but nothing we could not resolve.
I love ya! Mutter
Comment by Ma J — December 1, 2005 @ 4:36 pm
This should be a great help. The most difficult thing is figuring out what is the cause but with practice, we will be able to do it better. He is worth it.
Comment by Lorna — December 1, 2005 @ 4:36 pm
Oh how I wish parents would use this kind of tool! Too often I think we just get tired and want to escape too; which is the easy route at first, but left to it’s own devices becomes MUCH harder in the long run.
Great post.
Comment by s\'mee — December 1, 2005 @ 6:06 pm