Serenity Now!

Alright. Two things interesting happened this week.

#1 I disovered my first gray hairs. On my head. Now plucked. Hair now colored.

#2 Isaak (note which kid this is!) started an interesting conversation with me at dinner last night.

Isaak: Is smoking bad for you?
Me: Yes, it’s really bad for your body.
Isaak: I’ll *never* smoke. —pause— Did you ever smoke?
Me: —pause . thinking quick.— Yes, when I was a teenager I did. I really wish I hadn’t. It made me feel bad and was bad for me. I hope you never make the same mistake I did.
Isaak: Yeah, I’ll never smoke.

Sure, I expected to answer that (and other) questions at some point, but I thought they’d be from Maggie! While I’m sure it’s not the last time we’ll have such discussion, the silver lining is that that is really good thinking from that little guy.

Related to me by Dave:

Isaak (age ‘8′) was in the hot tub after swimming and chatting with some gentleman there. Dave wasn’t near enough to hear the conversation, but after they got out, the guy came up to talk to Dave. He said he’d just had the most amazing conversation with Isaak, that they were talking about Harry Potter and how this guy was reading it to his 4-year-old, and Isaak wondered why he had to read it to a 4-year-old, which took them into certainly, um, talents that Isaak has (I’m sure he was quite forth-coming!). This guy was quite impressed at what he could do and all, and Isaak’s response, “Well, that’s because I’m a high-functioning autistic boy!”

While I always use person-first language with him and around him (boy with autism, never autistic boy; it’s the current trend; ask me to elaborate if you want), it made it especially interesting to me that he chose to identify himself in that way. To him, autism is truly part of who he is. It’s something he’s proud of. He’s never shy to talk about it or bring it up. I think it’s fantastic. I wonder if more people were so open and unabashed about their differences if there might be more acceptance in our society.

Click here for more photos.

It’s such a roller coaster… being a parent at all, but even more so with kids with special issues, I think. We had a good vacation. Most of it went well. There was a lot more fighting between the kids, but I think that’s pretty normal. I certainly remember being like that with my siblings during breaks. But, sometimes, just sometimes, I wish we were dealing with normal sibling rivalry stuff. Instead, we deal with normal sibling rivalry with the flavor of autism. It’s very frustrating. He is just so clueless sometimes, so egocentric. He has almost no concept of how his actions affect other, of other people’s feelings and thoughts, of how to nagivate difficult situations in an objective, fair way. It’s all about him. I mean, I know that it’s not that he’s just a jerk or anything, he really is incapable of thinking like that–like we all naturally do and take for granted. But for him, his life is his world, and the whole world should be in step with his life.

I don’t know how much we have worked on trying to get him to see a bigger picture of a situation, to come and talk to an adult if a problem arises, to not just handle things impulsively. Sometimes, I think if I’m being honest, MOST of the time, he just doesn’t get it.

I’ve been at my wit’s end on this one. I put him back on the GFCF diet (we’ve tried two other times with no obvious success), but I’m desperate. I don’t think it’s helping, but I’m willing to try anything to just bridge that little gap we have left so he can live a normal, happy life. He won’t be able to have a deep, social, long-lasting relationship EVER if he can’t learn these skills.

He’s in his room again for lashing out at Maggie over something totally dumb, and I’m just wondering what to do. I told him I needed to think for a while. Any ideas? How do we teach these important “theory of mind” skills that we all take so for granted in our own lives. And please, no one say “That’s how all boys (or men) are.” Just take it from me that it is much more than whatever you think is “normal.”

On a fun note, click here for some great shots I just took with my new camera!