K, I could really use some advice/opinions. Here’s the dilemma. Isaak is turning 10 in a week. He will be moving into Webelos in Scouts. Webelos meets on Thursdays at 5. Thursdays at 5 is when Isaak has his only appropriate for him, once a week professional social group. This is the only professional therapy he’s getting at this point (which is very sad, for he still has a long way to go!). I do not know what to do! Scouts is a good social activity, a sometimes spiritual opportunity, it provides great skill-building of stuff he might not otherwise learn (good BOY stuff!), and he likes it. Social Group is with a group of kids slightly older and more skilled than him, so it pushes him to be better, learn faster, he’s working on skills there that he doesn’t learn naturally and won’t learn anywhere else unless I begin a social group myself (which is just not feasible at this time as it would be a LOT of work to have a decent one), and he likes going, too. I don’t know what to do!
Thoughts? I’ll ponder any opinions with no hard feelings for making opinions knows. Either post here or e-mail me: audra3141@gmail.com
Help!
Gads, I wish I had some ideas for you. I’m lost
in space. Does he have to do anything at all?
I hope you find what he needs AND wants.
shirley
Comment by Shirley Vonwalter — February 5, 2007 @ 3:51 am
Let me talk to Phil about moving Webelos to 7pm. I think it’s important that Isaac gets to do both. I will call you soon….
Comment by Amy — February 5, 2007 @ 3:53 am
Hi Guys,
That’s a tough problem you got there. I think I would evaluate, very carefully, the quality of the Webelo leader. Some people take that position because they absolutely love it and it is the best experience for the boys. Others seem to take positions for other reasons and their hearts aren’t really into it. I was a Webelo leader some years ago and I know that those young men don’t forget the experiences they had. On th other hand, Matt, our son, had a poor experience and it actually drove him away from scouts.
So, there is my two bits! Too bad you can’t do both.
Comment by Uncle Darrell — February 5, 2007 @ 3:55 am
If they can switch the Webelos time, that would be the best; if not, I’d suggest Isaak try Webelos and then sit down with him so he can give his input on the decision.
Ging
Comment by Ginger Brandenburg — February 5, 2007 @ 4:14 am
Some great ideas! What does HE want most? From outside looking in, I would say do the Webelos, because their will most likely be other social group opportunities in the near future. Best of luck!!
Comment by Luann — February 5, 2007 @ 5:19 am
Things are always changing, so what is decided now will not necessarily hold true for the next year. Ginger’s suggestion has merit. Try Webelos a few times, then switch back to the professional social group if he (and you) feel that provides more of what he needs right now. Or we’ll just pray somebody can change the meeting times! That’ll work!
Comment by Great Grandma Amy — February 5, 2007 @ 5:37 am
“he’s working on skills there that he doesn’t learn naturally and won’t learn anywhere else unless I begin a social group myself”
If this is really how you feel, then it makes sense to keep Isaak in the professional social group. If the scout leader changes the time, that would be a bonus.
Isaak is in baseball, goes to Church/Primary, has wonderful frieds, and is in school. It seems like this is plenty for one little boy. As for spirtuality — he is oozing with it! Isaak is closer to our Heavenly Father than any of us.
Comment by Grandma J — February 5, 2007 @ 6:40 am
I don’t know if this would work or not, but what if he alternated which one he went to? Scouts every other week, social group every other week.
Love you!
Sarah
Comment by Sarah — February 5, 2007 @ 7:31 am
All the comments of those ahead of me are excellent. If Amy is able to change the Webelos schedule to later, then Isaak can do both. If not, Ginger’s suggestion of trying and evaluating solves the problem. Isaak’s reaction to each of the 2 programs may be different than we think.
Comment by Grandpa M — February 5, 2007 @ 1:04 pm
Thanks for the GREAT suggestions. I’ll keep you posted.
Comment by Serenity — February 5, 2007 @ 2:43 pm
I think Isaak would really enjoy scouts, so I hope it works out. I think Sarah’s suggestion of alternating might be a good idea if the meeting time can’t be changed.
I have to say, 5pm seems like a tough time in general for scouts. But then I don’t get home from work until 7:30 and even 7pm is impossible—my kids have to get a ride to YM/YW.
Comment by Susan M — February 5, 2007 @ 2:53 pm
I would leave him in his social group. You can check to see if the church leader is willing to change the time but, there are other scouting programs outside of the church you might check into. Another troop might meet at a different time and then he could still do both.
Comment by Corrine Foster — February 5, 2007 @ 3:31 pm
Hey… you don’t have anything else to do — start your own scout troop. xoxox
Comment by Grandma J — February 5, 2007 @ 4:20 pm
Audra, I like Darrells comments; I have a thought or two also. You know our son Jeff was severely hyperactive; he was unable to join in with a group, even Sunday School. First, is the Weblo troup church affiliated? If so does the leader have the skills or the willingness to deal with any special problems? Will there be any chance that Isaak would act out during any part of the meetings?
It is impossible to alternate the Weblos with another function; Isaak would be under a great strain to deal with two meetings every other week (I don’t know if my sentance was clear) Weblos has a task for the children and not making the meeting every week would put him behind the others.
Uncle Jim and I had a Weblo and later on a Scout troup. We wanted to be leaders in order to be there to help things along in case Jeff got out of control. If you or Mike can not be leaders or helpers during those meetings then you might not know what is happening to Isaak during that time: Is the leader able to carry on a normal meeting without making it difficult on on the other boys?
. Will the boy’s tease or make fun of Isaak?
. Would Isaak be able to keep up with the meetings and the gouls that are set at those meetings?
. If any of those questions are no, it may be better for Isaak not to get involved with group meetings like Weblos or Scouts. We had trouble with Jeff during our meetings and we were his parents. It is putting too much strain on Isaak. I remember one time we got Jeff involved with baseball, he was unable to do what was needed, he would be looking at the sky, talking outloud to himself and if teased could be agressive to the other boys or the leaders.
Looking back on the things we tried I came to believe that we should not have put Jeff in any of the groups. He has a handicap and nothing will help if those children are in groups that only adds more harm to the child and the parents. It isn’t fair to put him in a group of normal boys if one of them requires one on one help; there are very few leaders that will be able to gently help a child through the things that are planned for all the boys.
We finally learned that we needed to examine Jeff’s good abilities, he needed to do outside activities but it should be a one on one class, such as:
. Golf
. musical instrument
. anything that he might have an intrest in. He is very good at numbers, maybe there will be a way of using those skills. They need to have positive experiences.
I know every case is different, I don’t mean to suggest that you must do what I recommend; just thought I would give you one families experience.
I admire you so much, you are doing everything possible to help Isaak; as the doctor told us; don’t give up on him, not likely that could happen when he has you and Mike.
I don’t know if what I have shared will help your thought process.
With Love and understanding,
Aunt Carol
Comment by Carol Albanese — February 5, 2007 @ 4:32 pm
You have some great comments from a lot of friends and family. I read a lot “ask him” so that
might be interesting to hear what he would say.
Fun way to solve a problem
shirley, agaim
Comment by Shirley Vonwalter — February 5, 2007 @ 7:28 pm
V & K attended a “regular” troop for a year (last year) while their church troop wasn’t working for them. We called it “dual trooping” and attended activities for both scout groups (but not the activities that conflicted with our schedules of course). It was a great experience & both scout masters were good about it — apparently plenty of other scouts have done that too, especially having one foot in the LDS camp & the other foot in the community. It let V & K pick & choose the most valuable activities & leave the worthless meetings behind. Ex: they went ice cave camping with Troop 24 but attended the regular weekly meetings with Troop 8. It seems like all troops are working on generally the same Merit Badges anyway (the ones that get the boys to Eagle and / or the easy ones, you’ll get to know them all really well soon enough). It was easy for the scout masters to communicate & the boys were awarded rank advancement in one troop and merit badges in the other. (Each troop had its own strengths.)
You have a really solid case for dual trooping & I know your life is insanely busy right now so you’re probably laughing at the thought, but the bottom-line is that you get to pick & choose the activities. If the church troop has a decent schedule & you have good communication with the leader then you may want to contact your local non-demoninational BSA troop and join that too so that Isaak gets the regular weekly meetings without having to drop his obviously successful social group.
Comment by Cathy — February 5, 2007 @ 7:42 pm
Gulp! You are first of all, such a great mom!!! I know you’ll do what’s best for him, you go with your gut, and it will be the right thing.
As for my opinion as another mom, I would not give up the therapy group. I like what some have said about maybe talking to the Webelos leader about changing the day/time of Webelos. You never know.
I just know when we’ve had a good thing going with whatever therapy we’ve been doing, it’s been a life line that I wouldn’t give up.
You’re the greatest, and so is Isaak. You’ll make the right choice, whatever it is.
Comment by Aina — February 5, 2007 @ 7:46 pm
Otter: Excellent ideas above. If he could get both, all the better. Maybe the time change would do it. The evaluation of each situation to compare with is next best. I wouldn’t want him to miss scouting activities and being with his church group, but the professional group adds another dimension. You’ll figure it out.
Comment by Grandma M — February 5, 2007 @ 10:37 pm
I think you should keep him in the social group!
Comment by Anonymous — February 5, 2007 @ 10:47 pm
I don’t have anything to add that hasn’t already been said. Hang in there…the right decision will come to you. XOXOXO
Comment by Anna Marie — February 6, 2007 @ 2:43 am
Hi Audra,
Another comment - If Isaak doesn’t participate in Scouts, will that affect his sense of belonging with the other boys at church? Perhaps with it being a younger group of boys it would be OK, but I think when he’s a Deacon that would be more of an issue. I know you’ll make the right decision for him.
Love,
Sarah
Comment by Sarah — February 6, 2007 @ 9:18 am
After reading the other comments and rereading my own, I felt that my comments were too strong (my personality I think) You have good friends that know you and your family; their comments have been great. I really felt strongly that our experience would be helpful. I think that your own heart will not lead you astray. Please take my comments as they were meant to be-loving and sincerely helpful.
Take care of yourself.
Aunt C
Comment by Carol Albanese — February 7, 2007 @ 7:00 pm